Breaking the Cycle: From Toxic Parenting to Toxic Masculinity

Parenting is a powerful force in shaping the future. When boys are raised in environments that push harmful ideas of masculinity—or when they grow up without guidance or accountability—they often become men who perpetuate entitlement, emotional repression, and harm.

I’ve seen this firsthand. As a parent, I’ve worked hard to raise my son with intention, teaching him empathy, accountability, and emotional intelligence. But I’ve also seen the other side: boys raised to suppress their emotions, avoid responsibility, or believe they’re entitled to the labor of others. These boys grow into men who struggle with relationships, lack self-awareness, and cling to outdated ideas of what it means to be masculine.

This is part of what fuels the “male loneliness epidemic.” While the media often frames this as an external problem—blaming modern society or women—the truth is that many of these men have been taught to reject accountability and avoid emotional growth. Instead of seeking therapy or building meaningful connections, they lash out, blaming others for their isolation. This cycle of emotional repression and entitlement not only harms their own well-being but perpetuates the very loneliness they suffer from.

These outcomes don’t happen by accident. They’re the result of societal pressures, patriarchal norms, and religious systems that perpetuate rigid gender roles. And it’s not just about mothers or fathers—it’s about the toxic dynamics that too many families are pressured to replicate.

What Is a Toxic Boy Mom?

The term “toxic boy mom” might make some people uncomfortable, but it’s not about blaming mothers—it’s about recognizing how societal expectations set parents up to repeat harmful patterns.

A “toxic boy mom” often:

• Puts Her Son on a Pedestal: He’s treated like he can do no wrong, with excuses made for his bad behavior while others are expected to accommodate him.

• Coddles Him to Avoid Conflict: Shielding him from accountability for his actions, whether it’s blaming teachers for poor grades or excusing disrespectful behavior at home.

• Enforces Outdated Gender Roles: Discouraging emotional vulnerability with phrases like “boys don’t cry” or letting sons avoid household chores because “that’s women’s work.”

• Uses Him as Emotional Support: Placing the emotional burden of her own needs on her son, rather than seeking healthy outlets like friends, therapy, or a partner.

This dynamic teaches boys that the world revolves around them. They grow up emotionally stunted, entitled, and unprepared to handle conflict or relationships.

And let’s be honest—this parenting style isn’t just a personal flaw. It’s often a response to societal pressures that tell mothers to raise “tough” boys who’ll become successful men while leaving no room for softness or failure. Mothers are often doing their best with the tools they’ve been given, but those tools are shaped by patriarchy.

This dynamic doesn’t raise boys into capable men—it raises them into the “lazy dad” stereotype. You know the one: the guy who contributes finances but expects his wife to handle everything else—cooking, cleaning, childcare—without lifting a finger.

The truth is, we’re not doing boys any favors by shielding them from responsibility or perpetuating the idea that certain skills are “beneath them.” Teaching boys (and girls) to manage their emotions, take care of themselves and their kids, and contribute equally to a household is the foundation for raising adults who can thrive—not just in their personal lives but in their communities.

How Fathers Contribute to the Cycle

While much of the focus often falls on mothers, fathers play an equally significant role in shaping harmful ideas of masculinity. Fathers who adhere to patriarchal norms may:

• Model Aggressive Behavior: Showing sons that dominance and control are markers of masculinity.

• Suppress Vulnerability: Discouraging emotional expression in boys with phrases like “man up” or “boys don’t cry.”

• Avoid Emotional Engagement: Leaving the burden of emotional labor and nurturing entirely to mothers, reinforcing traditional gender roles.

Fathers who are absent—whether emotionally or physically—can also contribute by leaving boys without healthy male role models. This void can lead boys to seek validation and identity from external sources, such as extremist figures or harmful societal norms.

The dynamic between both parents matters deeply. When fathers uphold these harmful norms and mothers are left to overcompensate, it creates an imbalance that reinforces toxic cycles for sons and daughters alike.

How Daughters Are Treated in Comparison

In households with toxic parenting dynamics, daughters often face a very different reality. While sons are frequently overindulged or shielded from consequences, daughters may experience:

• Heightened Expectations: Daughters are often held to higher standards of responsibility and maturity, expected to "pick up the slack" for their brothers.

• Emotional Labor: They may be placed in caregiver roles, providing support to both their brothers and parents, perpetuating a cycle of emotional dependency.

• Dismissal of Their Needs: Their emotional well-being is often deprioritized, reinforcing harmful beliefs about women’s roles as nurturers and caretakers.

This imbalance not only harms daughters but also reinforces the entitlement in sons who grow up believing they don’t need to contribute equally to relationships or responsibilities.

How Christo-Fascism Fuels the Cycle

Christo-fascism—a dangerous blend of authoritarianism and religious doctrine—reinforces these toxic dynamics by pushing rigid gender roles and legislating “traditional family values.” Through initiatives like Project 2025, this ideology seeks to enforce patriarchal control, teaching boys to view dominance as strength and vulnerability as weakness, while daughters are groomed to be submissive caretakers.

It’s important to recognize that this isn’t unique to the United States. Similar patterns exist in other countries and religions where authoritarianism intertwines with faith. In Iran, for example, laws have stripped women of basic freedoms, such as the ability to gather and speak freely with one another. These restrictions create isolation and division, leaving women with little power to resist oppressive systems while reinforcing the dominance of men raised under patriarchal norms.

The outcomes are eerily similar: toxic masculinity, repression, and cycles of harm that ripple through families and communities.

When religion is weaponized to control family dynamics, the result is the same, whether it’s in the U.S. under the guise of “family values” or abroad under authoritarian religious regimes. The damage isn’t just to individuals—it’s to entire societies that are held back by these rigid, harmful systems.

How Pushback Against Emotional Intelligence Holds Us Back

One of the biggest obstacles to breaking these cycles is the resistance to teaching emotional intelligence, particularly in schools. Groups like Moms for Liberty argue against these programs, framing them as unnecessary or even harmful. But their resistance is rooted in the same patriarchal values that perpetuate toxic masculinity and emotional repression.

Teaching emotional intelligence equips children—boys and girls alike—with the tools to navigate their emotions, build empathy, and foster healthy relationships. These are foundational skills for creating a more compassionate and connected society. Without them, we leave children ill-prepared to handle conflict, express vulnerability, or form genuine connections.

The pushback against emotional intelligence isn’t just an ideological difference—it’s actively holding us back. It reinforces the very systems that:

• Teach boys to suppress their emotions.

• Encourage entitlement and aggression as markers of success.

• Place the emotional labor of relationships onto women and girls.

By fighting against these programs, groups like Moms for Liberty aren’t protecting children—they’re preserving a status quo that harms everyone.

The Consequences of Toxic Parenting

Toxic parenting styles—whether overly rigid or overly permissive—often result in:

• For Sons: Emotional repression, entitlement, and alignment with harmful ideologies.

• For Daughters: Burnout, resentment, and difficulty setting boundaries, often carrying the burden of care for others at their own expense.

These patterns aren’t inevitable, but breaking them requires intentional parenting and systemic change.

How We Break the Cycle

Breaking the cycle starts with recognizing the forces at play and taking actionable steps to challenge them:

1. Intentional Parenting

• Encourage boys to express emotions and develop empathy through conscious discipline or gentle parenting (not to be confused with permissive parenting).

• Empower daughters to prioritize their needs and set boundaries.

2. Rejecting Harmful Ideologies

• Speak out against policies like Project 2025 that reinforce patriarchal family structures.

• Advocate for education that promotes equity and emotional intelligence.

3. Supporting Systemic Change

• Invest in community resources like libraries, parks, and mentorship programs that create safe spaces for children to grow.

• Push for policies that support families, including universal healthcare, paid family leave, and affordable housing.

  
  

Rebuilding the Village

It’s not just about individual families—it’s about creating systems and communities that support parents and children alike. We need:

• Accessible third spaces where people can gather and connect.

• Universal healthcare and living wages to remove financial stressors.

• Programs that teach emotional intelligence and challenge harmful norms.

By investing in community care, we create the conditions for everyone to thrive.

A Hopeful Vision

Breaking the cycle isn’t easy, but it’s possible. It starts with intentional parenting and challenging harmful societal norms, but it also requires collective action to build a world where all children—regardless of gender—can grow into their authentic selves.

Let’s rebuild the village and create a future where toxic masculinity is a thing of the past.